Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Truest self

A self-making man I long to be
Who I am, short of what I want
I chase after an image of me
Of my truest self I’m in the hunt

So much to earn, to take from the world
This or that, depends on when you ask
My life around my heart’s desires curled
Spending present and future on the task

Falling down again and again
Sends me back to where I started
A shell of ambition
Sinking feeling, dismal failure
Am I not good enough?

“Opiates, please,” and I give in
Fine for a minute, but a dull ache
Unfree, I freely choose my sin
Habits, they have me, I cannot shake

Vile surrogates’ phony embrace
Sorrow in my shortfall sedated
The ghost in the glass I loathe to face
Clothed in filth but with pain abated

Betraying myself again and again
Chains me up to where I started
Failed and flawed volition
Tired of this trial and error
I am not good enough!

Power beyond, above me I seek
To me, blind judge of my footsteps, kill
For I alone am much too weak
Elusive, the key to errant will

Who—what am I besides my own
A maker’s made one in the inmost crease
God the maker, in whom truth is shown
Glorious maker, in whom I find peace

The key’s without, not within
Frees me from where I started
To my sire, submission
By two faiths I’m measured
In Christ I am enough!

A new vision for a new life
Untangled from my heart’s desires
Against creation, no more strife
The righteous in God’s armor Christ attires

Blessed by Him, giving is reflex
The communion path my feet trod
Love, through the Holy Spirit, connects
I’ve found my truest self, thank God

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